The Amazing Race meets Pechino Express  Have a seat.  So last month I called our favorite Romanian...

Have a seat. 

So last month I called our favorite Romanian construction workers and asked them if they could move some donated furniture to Montecatini for Stanley and his pregnant wife Tina. 

Backing up a bit more. Jennifer had told me that she had a Nigerian guy with a van that could pick up the furniture, but then his van broke or he changed careers or something and he decided that he would no longer help. 

Did you hear the brakes? That was me backing up a bit more.

Jen, the American yoga teacher, told me that she needed to clear out a storage space filled with Ikea furniture that was in good condition because she is moving to Florence. Her friend Paladino who works at the bike store was keeping the stuff in their storage space, but he wanted everything out. She said she had a van driver who would do all of the moving and I asked if we could pay him to take the stuff to Montecatini. He agreed and then he changed his mind. . Then I called the construction workers who agreed, but then changed their mind the night before the move because the police had caused them some kind of problems related to permits for the van. Before he changed his mind, he insisted on my arranging for him to look at the furniture and seeing if it was in pieces or still needed to be disassembled. Paladino did not want to wait more than five minutes for him, but in the end he did. But he was very huffy about it

I also contacted Vanessa, the American singer, who manages a property where they have too much old furniture in storage. While she is in America, her friend Paula could open the garage for us and give us some donations, as well. Vanessa also has a van, but it is broken. Seriously. I don't know how Scooby Doo ever got anywhere.

So I made plans with Jen and Vanessa's friend Paula and then I cancelled them because of the van problems.

Then one of the construction workers, Stefano, who had helped us with our window issues way back when, told me he had found another van with another driver. That driver's name is Elton, but instead of a t there is pi, and so I still don't know what his name is, if I'm honest. He said he would come, but only if we paid him double what we were going to pay the other guys and only if he could come at lunchtime instead of late afternoon. 

Jen agreed to pay half of his fee, but when she called Paladino to change the time he would not respond. Meanwhile I had to call back Paula and cancel again. I am pretty sure I cancelled at least a dozen times so she has every right to assume that I am absolutely insane, and, possibly, dangerous. Jen asked me to call Paladino because of the level of Italian involved and because he was in a pissy mood. I sent him a very ass kissing text, and he said he would try to have a friend open up the magazzino for us. He said he would confirm by 10,30. At 11,10 he had still not confirmed. I got a stomach ache. When I finally got him on the phone, he said that I could not expect a busy man like him to wait by the phone. He said that he would have a guy named Luciano open the storage space.

I called back Cool and Stanley who were very disappointed that I could not get them the furniture and told them that they would have to come by lunch time. I called Paula who was, by now, justifiably, a little afraid of me. I met Stanley who was late because he had to "ease myself," which means pee. We met Cool who was late because we don't know why. We went to meet Luciano and he was on-time. Stefano and the driver guy were also on time. We cleared out all of the stuff from Paladino's unit. Luciano was nice enough. Paladino arrived at some point, but did not even greet me. Then we went to the second location. Paula took me up a million stairs to her house, which was filled with all kinds of goodies from extra lamps, to kitchen equipment, bedding, tons of stuff. She let us pack it all into garbage bags and take it away. Up and down the stairs. It looked cold today so I wore a velvet turtleneck with jeans. It is global warming summery today despite the clouds so I began to smell like the before portion of the deodorant commercial. Then she opened the garage, where she let them take a giant, beautiful, wooden wardrobe and a mini fridge.

I gave Cool money to get his passport in Rome so he can renew it in time to renew his stay permit. I paid both of the construction guys. Stanley is riding back in the truck with all of the furniture and Cool is going back on the train. If the police don't confiscate anything, today will have been a success.

It is a miracle. I feel like I just won the reality show that is, really, just reality. 

On the walk back, Cool told me he has no hot water. 

Stanley called me to say that the baby wardrobe has no doors and so it is no good to him. 

Then two hours later, Vanessa called from America to ask where I was because the real estate agent and the building owner were waiting for me. They still thought the pick up was for this evening. I had no idea they were involved. I guess Vanessa mentioned them a month ago, but, since Paula took care of everything, I thought I was good. Simonetta's phone did not pick up so F volunteered to go out on his bike to explain what had happened when it started thunderstorming on him. He is home now and Simonetta was good natured about everything.